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Well, there is no point in sugar-coating it. (And believe me, I LOVE to add sugar literally and metaphorically to just about everything.) The last two weeks sucked for my dieting efforts. 

The first week I generally managed to keep myself in check during the day and then fell apart after dinner.  This was no new discovery as my cravings have always been horrendous at night.  But I really struggled keeping my head in the game and ended up justifying my way through several snacks that weren’t in my food plan.

To make matters worse, the night eating kicked in.

Several times I woke up in the middle of the night, wandered into the kitchen, and found myself eating quite unnecessarily large volumes of food.  Half the time I wasn’t even fully aware I was doing it until I looked down and realized I’d just consumed half a jar of peanut butter.  Talk about blowing my calories for the day…umm…week…err…month.  In the morning I’d discover the evidence of my midnight snacking and be absolutely sickened with guilt and shame.  It made the next day exceedingly difficult to stay on track, and in some cases, I just gave up because it felt impossible to make up for the damage. Between a few of those instances, and party/holiday food this last week, I more or less stopped counting calories–at least since right before Christmas.

So that’s where I am.

Tiffany is a devious bitch, and she’s screaming so loudly that it’s difficult to hear any voices other than shame, guilt, and failure. She knows that if she makes the most noise, my pep talks and resolve will go unnoticed, and she’ll stay in control. But I can’t have my emotions running my life and dictating my value as a human being.

First of all, there is no moral weight attached to food. I didn’t ‘fail’ my diet or ‘lose’ by eating one way or another. I began a journey to learn more about myself and become a healthier person. If I am growing emotionally and spiritually during this time but don’t lose a single pound….then I will have still moved the needle.  Tiffany doesn’t get to berate me with shame, humiliation, and general feelings of suckiness. Well, she will keep trying, but I’m not going to listen.

I think I’m going to set a completely different mini-goal for the next two weeks. I’m going to focus on doing one thing a day for 20-30 mins that brings me joy. That’s it. I just want a happiness injection in my life.  I wonder if by adding a little self-care in, that my need to feed my sugar monster diminishes at all. I’ll still continue with all the other little daily SMART goals that I set: the water intake, exercise, food tracking etc.  This themed goal is different, though.  Today through January 10, I’ll commit to a minimum of 7 hours of pleasurable activities.  How hard can that be?

We’ll find out.  See you in two weeks! 

So that’s my recap.  Wanna chat with me about it? Leave me a comment or write to me at jennifer@kymmcbride.com

 

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