My goals for the first 14 days were NOT lofty. Being a pragmatic person and this not being my first rodeo, I had mini goals.
- Get my head into the Keto game. (refocusing) and Implement Noom into that same head.
- Keep a list of anything that I was triggered about that could lead to new knowledge about myself whether it was about my weight or other parts of my life.
- Start tracking my food and be accountable to Jen
Small do-able things. Well, I got 2 out 4, (I started tracking and I have done some journaling, but I can’t say I was firmly into doing either.)
But I excelled at getting and keeping Keto in the forefront of my mind. And I was BRILLIANT at identifying my triggers and delving into the meat of what I found.
I am shocked at what I learned about myself in 14 days. Man, did I have shit come up!
First, I was ‘reminded’ of my issues—the ones I have been familiar with for a long time, and have avoided! So I got a renewed clarity of many of my long standing issues. Kind of being reintroduced to my old baggage.
Second, by keeping track of things that triggered me (and listing it and sharing it with Jen) I was seeing new stuff! I was finding things that I had never identified before. These behaviors and thoughts ranged from interesting to horiffing. After I forced myself to get some distance from these new things that were smacked in my face, I asked my Spirit Guides to help me see what and where this core issue came from.
Many of my issues sprang from my childhood.
- Reactions to my parents training or treatment
- Survival techniques that I had to develop to deal with events in my childhood: The death of my father at 5, my molestation at 7, etc.)
- Self talk that I had to keep myself in line (being a ‘good girl’)
- Or the big one: the self talk I used to protect myself from hurt
I also paid attention to my reactions that were connected to my weight and body issues.
- I put/keep on weight because it keeps men away.
- Men are not safe.
- I’m vulnerable where men are concerned.
- My body is not safe. (it can get sick, injured, or be abused)
- I’m vulnerable to my body.
And my past behaviors and thoughts about men and my body are: ignore both of them. Don’t pay attention to men or my body so I stay away from men and I have avoided taking care of my body.
Now I have a new plan: So for the next 14 days—I will take the time to delve into my male issues. I’ll work on creating a shift in myself, and find ways to make peace with my body and my physical vulnerabilities. Only then will I be able to confront my arch nemesis—men.
So that’s the plan. Keep focused on me and keep turning over the rocks that have built me. Delete old stories that no longer are true (if they ever were) and then create new stories to support me.
Oh, and for those interested in my actual weight loss —I’m down 5 pounds.